At any given moment an act, an idea or an spoken word sparks a response within yourself whether it be positive or negative. The simple question of “where will I receive mail” has moved my normal pleasant continence from content to dishearten. For the first time in such a very long time I feel tired.

It’s not often that I find myself empathetic with the weather but today it feels as though the wind that blows and rain that falls seems to emulate my thoughts and feelings. The brash movement of the wind personifies the unrest I feel about my current circumstances and the explosion of moisture from the sky mirrors that of the tears I try to hide.  I look out the window and envy Mother Nature for her ability to show thoughts and displeasure of her current circumstances while I try to hold mine in check.  

Circumstances have forced relocation for our family and once again it is time to move, venture forward into the unknown to build a life in a new community. Although many of the past moves I have felt excitement and was enthusiastic about the transition I must finally admit to myself that the upcoming departure from my current home has left me somewhat melancholy. When I evaluate this feeling I realize that it is not the relocation or new place that I will go, but that lack of knowing where and when I will actually get there.

Past relocations have been much easier, even though I was the one who made all the arrangements, packed all the items, and did the necessary work to have the move run smoothly, I knew where I was going and had a place to call home when I arrived. In addition, each day I had my husband by my side as my support system, and I his, and together we managed to make the new house a home and build relationships in our new community.

 This relocation is a vast departure from those in the past, first I am not actually leaving the area. The impeding move has me abandoning the comfort of my home, renting it to strangers, moving myself and beloved pets in with friends all the while residing over 100 miles away every Sunday through Friday is my daily support system. It what seems like a mere moment the security that I had come to rely on has vanished and my daily life has become incredibly completed.

A glimpse into my impending future where each day I get to look forward to rising one hour earlier and arriving at the place I will reside one hour later all the while, having to maintain the pets, monitor the finances, work fulltime, solve health issues, find a new job, and balance independent family lives in hopes that soon the we can be rid the bacheloresque lifestyles and once again be a couple under a single roof.  

Does it sound so terribly selfish to speak aloud the thought that one needs something in which to look forward?  Is the want to have a place to surround one’s self with husband and family out of the ordinary?  Can it be wrong to want to have some type of stability in life?  At this time I will let the rain fall but know that soon I will use the reflections from today to bring back spring and the rejuvenation of hope.